One year ago, my life would yet again forever be changed. One year ago today I woke up knowing today would be the day. Four days before we planned, and 10 days before your due date. It was a Monday, the one day Daddy said you could not come because he had WAY too much work to finish up. So what did you do? You decided that that was too bad, Monday was the
perfect day to be born. And you have been doing things your own way (and running the show) ever since!
Little girl, you have taught me so much over this past year. . .many of the lessons I had no desire to learn-like second babies do not always come faster and with less pain than the first one. Sometimes, they like to take their time, and make mommy feel like she is going to die before they grace her with their amazingly wonderful presence. Or that a human mother can actually survive on WAAAY less sleep that she thinks possible. Or that sometimes letting your baby cry themselves to sleep really is best for all parties involved, no matter how much mommy may oppose it.
But you have also taught me so many wonderful things. . .
1. Life is an adventure. The first two weeks after you were born, you were the sleepiest, most content little munchkin ever. All you did was sleep, anywhere and everywhere. It was bliss.
Then. . .something changed. . . .you decided that sleep in any fashion was highly overrated. Life was much too exciting to risk missing anything. Let me tell you Phia, your mommy loves her sleep. I struggled with this a lot. But through your continued perseverance (the nice way of saying you didn't sleep, ever, for a long, long time), you helped me to see things through your eyes. You were brand new. Everything you saw was new and exciting! Of course you didn't want to sleep! Your brand new world was super amazing; how could I blame you for being intrigued? As of today, I can say that you have finally decided to have a little mercy on your poor mommy, and do sleep through the night about 90% of the time. You even nap pretty easily most days! It really helps mommy be a lot less zombie-ish, and I have lots more energy to take you on all the adventures you love. And girl do you love adventures! All I have to say is, "Do you want to go bye-bye?" and you go crazy! You start waving bye-bye at the door and making your little noise that means you really want something. I love it! And anytime we get out of the car in the garage, you see your stroller and totally go nuts. I cannot explain to you how much you love our strolling adventures. They
are very exciting. We see all sorts of exotic plants and animals on our strolls through the neighborhood-tulips, daffodils, bradford pears, cats, and dogs. We should have our own National Geographic show. Your genuine, heart-felt excitement over these seemingly mundane things has reminded
me that every day life really is a beautiful adventure, if I just take the time to see it through new eyes.
2. You have taught me to stop. What does this mean? Well, in short, you won't let me more that a few steps away from you. Ever. More often than not, you not only want to be close, you want to be
really close, as in in my arms. Holding a chunky monkey baby girl all day does not allow me to get much done. But it does force me to stop and enjoy this very special time with you. Laundry and vacuuming will always be waiting for me, but you will not always be a tiny girl.
3. Attachment parenting may not be for the birds after all. One day Phia, you will realize that your mommy is a super type A personality. I like a schedule. I like a plan. I do not like "going with the flow." It just doesn't work for me.
You laugh at that. From the moment you were born, you have laughed at that.
There is no part of your tiny little life that even remotely resembles being on a schedule. At first I felt lost, like I could never get things under control. It made my brain feel like a snow globe that was constantly being shaken. But here we are one year into nursing on demand, baby wearing, and just generally doing things according to your desires instead of my schedule, and I haven't died. I've gone a little crazy, but I have survived.
barely. This past year you have taught me to let go a little and to simply find our rhythm instead of living by the clock. And it works. Our days have a natural flow to them, and it just feels good.
4. I never was in control. As a parent, I like to think that I am the one in control. Especially when it comes to my kids' behavior. When my kids are acting great, it must be because of my superior parenting skills. My kids are great sleepers because of the awesome night time routine I created for them. My kids know how to behave in public because I have taught them proper etiquette.
W-R-O-N-G!
Now, don't misunderstand me, active and involved parents are
so important in shaping how our children behave and the type of people they become. BUT, it is just a part of the puzzle. I'm realizing more and more what a small part it is. The biggest piece that I forgot to take into account is your own fabulous little personality. See, I was fooled into thinking I was a great parent by your sister. She was the type of baby that slept through the night at 6 weeks old. She would sit quietly in the same spot and play with the same toy forever. If you told her not to touch something she didn't. Seriously you could lay a pair of scissors beside her and tell her not to touch them and she would. not. touch. them. (not that we ever did that, but we could have!) We never even had to baby proof! She was quiet, shy, and content. She still is. Life as a new mommy was a breeze. I thought all of this was due to my amazing parenting. It wasn't. It was due to her getting more of her Daddy's genes than mine.
You are different. Perfectly, wonderfully different.
So you don't like sleeping? Well, you just don't want to miss anything exciting! You certainly don't like sitting still, ever. But that's just because there are so many great things to see and do. We've already had to start baby proofing our house and you can't even walk yet, but that's only because you love to explore the world around you. Overall, you have been a quiet baby, but you are starting to find your voice and love testing it out. It isn't unusual for you to randomly scream for no apparent reason. Why not? When else can you burst out screaming in public and not be whisked away to an institution?? I might as well embrace it because no amount of my "amazing parenting skills" could make you stop anyway.
You certainly aren't shy. In public you are a waving manic. The cutest little insane waver ever, and I love it. No one can walk by without getting a wave and a "hiiiiiiiiiii!" from you. It's the best.
As far as not touching things you aren't supposed to, you find things we didn't know we had to touch! Most of them completely inappropriate for you to be touching, and most of them choking hazards. When we go out to eat, we have to put you at the end of the table and clear off everything within 2 feet of you. Otherwise a steak knife will be in your hand before we even know there is one at the table! We call you "baby octopus" a lot because you usually have something else in your hand before we can get the first thing away from you. But it's only because you love to find out about all the things around you. What's so bad about that? Nothing at all.
All of that to say, I could be the "best parent ever", but that doesn't change who
you are and what
you love, and I shouldn't want it to.
You are opinionated and stubborn. You want things your way. And you will do things when, and only when, you want to. You are just like ME. But you are YOU. The moment I realized that and stopped trying to mold you into this "perfect child" I realized that you already
are perfect! Perfectly unique, and exciting, and amazing, and I wouldn't change a thing about you. You give my days such gusto and pizazz. Even the regular days aren't boring! Life is exciting with you in it. Is it always easy? No. Do I sometimes wish that you were just the teeny tiniest bit more laid back? Occasionally. But then that moment passes, and you smile at me with that crinkly little nose (usually as you are doing something you know you aren't supposed to) and I quickly remember that I would not change a single thing about you. Ever.
So, Happy First Birthday Phia Kate!
Thanks for making my life so exciting.
You are the greatest surprise I have ever gotten.
Love,
Mommy
