Lately it seems like we have been so busy, but when I sit back and try to think about exactly what we've been doing to be so busy, nothing at all seems to stand out. The truth is, nothing is really different. We aren't "so busy" lately. We are living life. Everyday, regular old life. And then the realization hits me that very very soon, nothing about our life will resemble THIS kind of regular anymore. In just 13 days, it will all change and become a new sort of regular for us all. As exciting as that it, it also makes me a little sad. I love my life and the perfect simplicity of it. I love that there is always a parent for each child. I love that we have one of each. I love that we can all fit into one booth at a restaurant. I love that when we go on vacation, we can always get the great deals for "a family of 4"-there is never anything great for a family of five.
Don't get me wrong, I am SUPER excited about the new adventure we are all about to embark on. I cannot wait to meet this newest love of my life, because I know that it will be. But I am a little sad about letting go of the life I know at this moment.
A couple of days ago, the hardest realization to accept hit me. My baby girl will no longer be my baby. I know she will always be my baby, but in 13 days she really won't be the baby anymore. She will instantly transform from my tiny girl to big sister. Little to big. The baby to the middle child. I don't know why, but it kind of breaks my heart. I know it will be fine, and she is super excited about it, which does help. But lately I find myself wanting to hold her a little tighter, a little longer, even though she's almost six and really too big for me to hold. I want to prolong bedtime stories and sneak in just one more night-night kiss, because I'm afraid that once the baby is here I will be busy holding that little one, and that things may be too hectic for a long, drawn out bedtime routine. For almost six years it's been just me and her, all day every day. Me and my side-kick. Me and my best girl. Just us. And honestly, I'm not ready to share just yet.
4 comments:
Ok this made me cry! (and I'm not even pregnant so I can't blame the hormones) that was such a sweet post! Just think of all that Bella will be gaining (not losing) when little one arrives! And sadly the growing up part sucks! Sucks bad!!! I tell Kaylee nearly everyday to stop growing (it doesn't work). I can't wait for March 17th and ANYTIME you need some Bella and mommy time I better be the 1st one called for babysitting duty! And I mean that!!!
The growing up part totally sucks. I look at her every day and can't believe how big she is. And with the baby's birth quickly approaching, I find myself thinking of her birth so much more. I remember it SO clearly.
I know she will be gaining SO MUCH, we all will. And I know as soon as I lay eyes on this new one, I won't be able to imagine my life without it. And you will definitely be the first one I call for babysitting when I need a little outing with the Princess :) Thanks for being so great!
I love this post because I even though I am not pregnant I can totally imagine feeling this way. The thought of having to share not only your time with the baby, but hers, too! You all are the cutest things ever, but for every great double (Batman & Robin, etc) there are even more great triples (Harry, Ron & Hermione, Charlie's Angels, Three's Company with the original cast). I have no idea what it means to have more than one kid but I do know I had no idea my heart could change instantly like it did and I am sure going from 2 to 3 is something just like that!
you're right. I know it will be ok, even better than ok really. Thanks for the perspective :)
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