Shut Up Saturday

. . . .My what a big nose you have!
All the better to get all up in your business with my Dear!. . . .

If I had a dollar for every time people commented on how spaced apart my kids are, I'd be a billionaire. Seriously. It happens pretty much every time I am in PUB. LIC. And someone please explain to me why I feel such an insane need to defend it! "Well you see, technically, the oldest isn't mine, although I've had him since he was tiny, so really in my heart he is, and then we struggled with infertility for years and years, and we were told we couldn't have kids at all. . .yada yada yada. Why do I feel the need to share this with total strangers, and defend our family? Why can't I just smile, and shrug it off? Honestly, I have no idea. But even more intriguing, why does anyone care?
I have cousins who also blog (supremely fantastically, I might add) and they talk frequently about said public. I think about them every time I get the "wow, they are REALLY spread apart, huh?" i.e. "Why in the world would you do that?!" I want to be more like them in the way I handle my answers.
I hope they don't mind me sharing these stories. . . (if you do let me know and I will delete the post immediately :)
For example, cousin M has the most darling little one year old boy EVER, who because of issue with his eyes, must wear glasses and an eye patch. And trust me, you have never seen cuteness until you have seen A in his glasses. Holy all things that are cute goodness!! They are little round ones just like Harry Potter's and he is quite possibly the cutest things on earth wearing them. Well, it seems, anytime they go out, that they are constantly asked what happened to his eye. I can see where this could get somewhat obnoxious. But one day, her husband had the greatest answer ever. He looked straight at the person asking what happened and told them their pet parrot pecked it out. And then he walked away with out ever cracking a smile.  Brilliant!!
Cousin N sometimes talks about her super precious, but very opinionated little darling L (oh I can SO relate to that! My biggest Princess is just the same!), and how she sometimes likes to colorfully display her opinions in places like Target. And how public likes to stare as N simply goes about her shopping trip, gracefully pretending nothing is going on. KUDOS to YOU N!
These stories got me thinking-I have been guilty of both! BUT I can honestly say, it wasn't just out of ignorant curiosity (well, maybe it was before I had kids). Since, I have had kids, it is for other reasons completely. For instance, if I see a child with an eye patch, or a cast, or brace, I have asked what happened-but only because the moment I saw them my mommy instincts overwhelmed me, I I felt some primal urge to protect them. To stand beside their Mommy and punch out anyone that might say something insensitive or look at them mean.
If I have seen a child having a fit somewhere, I have been guilty of looking, but NOT for judgmental reasons, but out of empathy. I have been there. Oh, how i have been there. I always try to make a point of making eye contact with the Mommy and smiling, hopefully letting her know that us other Mommies get it, and she isn't alone in her current misery.
So take heart cousins-All of "public" isn't bad.
All of that got me thinking about why people might ask us about our kids age differences. Maybe they aren't all asking out of plain curiosity. Maybe some of them are thinking they wish they would have spaced their kids out a bit, and are wondering how I feel about mine. Maybe they don't have kids yet and want to get other people's opinion on how their lives are with their kids the way they are. Maybe they have kids close together, are totally happy with their choice, and are just wondering how the other half live. And yes, lots of them ask simply because they are nosy. But really, is that so bad? They don't know that is the 10th time in a day someone has commented about the very same thing. And really; we aren't the norm, it makes people curious.
So here is the answer (because yes, many of the curious commenters have been friends and family):
YES, our kids are really far apart.
NO, we did not plan it that way.
       We had MANY issues and went through a LOT of different treatments and that took time. In the      end, we were told (with both girls) to give up, look into adoption, it just wasn't going to happen. But in the end, God reminded us who was really in charge, and we have two beautiful daughters because of Him . No medications. No special treatments.
YES, I would do it again-space them out I mean. Having kids close together has its own wonderful advantages, of course. I am not knocking anyone who chooses that path. But for us, this seems to be the best path. It has given us so much special time with each one of our kids, to be with them "just us." It has allowed each one of them to kind of be our only one for a while-never really having to share us and having our full attention. We got to know them each as a person, what they really love  and are passionate about, what their personalities truly are like, without interruption.
When Bella was little and we were trying for another one, I remember really wanting another baby, but not at all being ready to share my time. I LOVED it being just us. I loved having the ability to focus 100% of my attention on her. I'm so glad God made us wait for Sophia. Now, although my two oldest still need me, it isn't the same kind of need a 2 or 3 year old has. They both understand completely why I can't be there the instant they call and why I can't focus completely on them all the time. I am not saying it is easy for (one of) them, but they do at least understand why. This allows me so much more special time with Sophie Kate, and I don't feel like she, or the other 2, are being cheated or missing out. Again, I am not saying our way is the right way or the best way (heck, we didn't even choose it-it was chosen for us!) But now that it has happened this way, I realize God does always know what He is doing. He doesn't make mistakes. Sometimes I just need to be patient to see His plan unfold. It is just the way it was meant to be.