As most of you know, the little Princess had a birthday last Friday. This one was a big one and it is hitting me hard. On April 18th, my baby girl turned 3 years old. She has her party in two days, and I am not looking forward to it. Its almost as if the party doesn't happen, she won't grow a year older. This one was right up there with the first birthday in terms of my heartbreak. Most of my friends don't get it. But then again, most of my friends didn't teach 3 year old pre school for 6 years either.
Three is officially the year that children go from babies to big kids. All traces of infancy are lost. And its true even in my own house where I have fought so hard to keep my little girl from growing up. She's gone from bottles to big cups and pampers to panties. Paci's are extinct and the crib has long since been packed away in the attic. The only remainder of her babyhood are the hundreds of pictures that thankfully cover my walls. Other than my family, they are my most cherished possession. Serving as a reminder of all the little memories that might have faded without them. . . how small she really was, the way she LOVED her bath but HATED drying off, her first smiles, the way she looked toothless and bald, and just how fat her cheeks really were.
As much as I never want to forget, those things can be hard to remember now when I look at my skinny little girl with her wild curly hair, singing and running wildly around the living room in a desperate attempt to fight off sleep.
Gone are the days of simply holding her tiny little body snugly against mine for hours. Now there are dogs to chase, tea parties to hold, friends to see, naps to avoid (ugh!), and barbies to buy.
There are so many little things that I will miss about her infancy-carrying her around in her pouch, the way she put her butt in the air while she was sleeping, her little legs kicking 90 miles an hour in her baby bath , and that tiny baby smell that every mommy cherishes. I will miss it all.
But each day, she reminds me that there are so many new and exciting things to look forward to, to love, and to be thankful for. I love when I come home from anywhere and she screams out, "Mommy you're right back!" and runs arms wide open to hug me.
I am astonished each day by her intelligence, imagination, and memory (just like her daddy). I love that she greets each day as a new and different princess.
It's amazing when she points to a word and says "Hey Mommy! Thats says ____!" or when she spouts off some little tidbit we didn't know she knew.
As much as I sometimes hate it, I love her determinedness and strength. (not loving it so much right this moment. . . .she is reminding me just how determined and strong she can be by refusing to go to nap unless she can go in her beautiful white Cinderella wedding gown.)
And there is no feeling in the world like the feel of her little arms wrapped so tightly around my neck as she whispers "I love you" into my ear. Or when she tells me I'm her best friend.
I guess thats God's little gift to me, allowing me the ability to grieve for the little things I have lost by her growing up, while at the same time marveling at the wonderment that is her future.
She doesn't really need me to hold her anymore, but she does still need me to hold her hand. And today, that is what I am most thankful for.
1 comment:
Thats terribly sad! I'm sitting here at work with tears streaming down my face! Thank God its lunch time and no-one is around! I'll miss our baby too momma, she is growing up so fast and before you know it she'll be grown! We just have to hang on to her as long as we can. I know she gets on my nerves sometimes at bedtime when she always has one more question, but I fear its going to break my heart when the day comes that she doesn't say "My Daddy wants to rock me." As far as i'm concerned her daddy will always want to rock her, if i have to go to her house when shes married and tuck her in, then by god i'll do it and theres not a man on this planet that will tell me otherwise!!! She's MY Princess!
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